My Friend Want to Talk to You

Sometimes, my students choose to not participate in their lesson. This can happen in the form of cancelling the lesson, simply not picking up the phone, or in very rare cases, giving the phone to someone else in the room. The last time I wrote about that last scenario was in the post A Marriage Proposal, where I unknowingly taught a lesson with my student's friend.... and then he apparently fell in love with me.

Today, my student had been drinking and asked if his friend could say hello.

Me: You want me to talk to your friend?
Student: Yes. He is right here and wants to talk to you.
Me: .... Okay. I guess I can say hello for just a second.
Student: Great! Talk to you later!

(phone is handed off)

Me: Hello?
Friend: Hi. I am very embarassed.
Me: You're embarassed?
Friend: Yes. So embarassed.
Me: Why are you embarassed?
Friend: Well, because now we are drinking. My friend and I are having the traditional Korean drink.
Me: Oh, really?
Friend: Yes. And so I am embarrassed.
Me: I see. So, you're embarrassed because you've been drinking or you're embarrassed to be talking to me?
Friend: Well..... I'm embarrassed because in this situation, we are drinking alcohol so my friend give the phone to me. 
Me: Ah. I see. Well, he said you wanted to talk to me. Is that true?
Friend: Yes. I want to practice my English with you. We work for same company, so it's okay.
Me: Haha. Okay. That's fine. Well, your English is pretty good. So, you really should be proud of your language skills.
Friend: Thank you.
Me: So, how do you know my student?
Friend: Well, we started as freshmen at the company. Now we are close. He is my best coworker at work.
Me: You mean your best friend?
Friend: Yes. He is my best friend.
Me: That's awesome that you are so close. So, do you guys go out a lot?

Friend: Yes. Of course. We go out many times every week.
Me: Oh, cool! What kind of things do you do together, other than go to the pub?
Friend: Well..... I don't know if I should tell you.
Me: Okay. That's fine. We can talk about something else.
Friend: Okay. Well, I decided I will tell you.
Me: Haha. Okay. What do you do together? Is it a secret?
Friend: Yes. Well, kind of. It's not a secret. It is illegal. So, I don't want to make trouble for my friend with you.
Me: Oh. Well, you don't have to worry about that. I just talk with your friend and help him with English. I don't communicate with your company about our lessons.
Friend: That's nice. Okay. So, I will tell you now. Even though it's illegal in Korea, we somedays smoke together.
Me: You smoke together? How is that illegal? Many of my students smoke and haven't mentioned it being illegal.
Friend: It is not the tobacco. It's the other.
Me: The other? .......Oh...... Are you talking about marijuana?
Friend: ..... yes. Haha! The marijuana. We somedays have this.
Me: Ah.... I see. Well, I won't judge you at all. Did you know that a few states in the U.S. have made marijuana legal?
Friend: Really?!?!? Ah... maybe I need to move to there.
Me: Maybe. But, I don't know if they would make you a citizen just so you can smoke marijuana.
Friend: Oh! So true. You are very correct, teacher.
Me: Yeah, I think you need to just think it through before you decide to come here. Haha.
Friend. Okay. I can do that. Teacher? I need to go. Thank you for enjoying a talk with me.
Me: No problem. I'm glad I could help you practice your English! Can you hand the phone back to you friend?
Friend: Well, he hand me the phone and then he leave. I think he doesn't want a lesson today. Bye-bye!

Apparently, my student decided that he didn't want to talk to me at all and had given the phone to his friend and walked away. Too bad for him that our student evaluations are being turned in tonight. Haha!

Today I Want to Talk About Love

Yesterday, a student asked me to marry him so he could have a green card. I politely declined. Today,
another student requested that we set aside the topic of financial debt and discuss love.

Me: Were you able to read the article for today's lesson?
Student: No. I didn't want to read it. Today, I want to talk about love.
Me: You want to talk about love?
Student: Yes. Love. I want to know your first love. Who was he? Tell me all of it.
Me: Well.... let me think. I'm getting older, so my memory is not always quick...... Okay. I can remember my first love.
Student: Okay. Who was he?
Me: Well, I was 10. He was a new kid at school and I thought he was cute. So, I decided that I must be in love with him.
Student: Ah!!! That's great!!! What happened??? Did you marry him???!??
Me: Haha! No way. I was 10. Besides, he decided to date other girls. I think he eventually married someone. But, I am not sure. I didn't really stay connected with him.
Student: (Makes a sad, sorrowful sound) That's so terrible! So you cried? Did you feel like dying?
Me: Not really. I was young. I recovered very quickly. I never stay down for long.
Student: That's good. So, did you find another boy? Did you have a rebound man?
Me: Haha. No, I didn't. I just tried to survive Middle School and High School.
Student: Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad you survived.
Me: Me too.
Student: Well, you know teacher.... You're single.
Me: ...........yes, you are right.
Student: So, maybe you never recovered from that boy that broke your heart.
Me: Well, I think I'm doing okay with the heart break. It's been almost 22 years. So, I think I've had a lot of time to recover. I've dated other guys in my adult life. I'm just single now.
Student: Oh! I did not know that! So, what happened with them? Were they bad men?
Me: Not all of them. Haha! Some of them were good guys. Sometimes, things just don't work out. That's part of the dating, I guess.
Student: Well, teacher, I think maybe they were not as good as you. Maybe you need better men for marriage.
Me: That is very kind of you to say. I think that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the guys that I dated. I think that I am just looking for a particular thing, though. So, right now in life, I am just trying to be patient. Remember when we talked about "there are other fish in the sea?"
Student: Yes! The fish means men. So, there are other men in the ocean?
Me: Well, not in the ocean, but out "there," like there are other men or women in the world, so we don't need to be upset about just one person.
Student: Oh yes! I remember that. You know teacher, I want to know why you are single. Why not go get a man for marriage?
Me: Ha! Well, it's not that simple. It takes time for a relationship. And, I really don't have time to be concerned with anything like that right now.
Student: Oh really? What are you doing with your time?
Me: Well, I work two jobs and am really involved in my church. I think I'm at church seven days a week for one thing or another.
Student: Really? I remember you are a Christian. God must be so happy at you. Maybe He will give you a husband then.
Me: LOL! You know, if it worked like that, then that would be great, wouldn't it?
Student: Yeah.... OH! TEACHER!!!! I have an idea! You will like this.
Me: Okay. Haha. What's your idea.
Student: I think you should find a boyfriend at church. What do you think about that?

Me: Well, I think you have a great point. I just----
Student: TEACHER!!!! SOMETHING HAPPENED!!! I NEED TO GO! NOW! BYE BYE!!! (click)


And that was that.

I love the intensity that my students have when we discuss my dating history and lack of current relationship. Haha! If I do end up getting married, I almost feel obligated to invite them since they are such cheerleaders and give such enthusiastic advice. LOL.

You Need a Valentine's Day!

Student: Oh, Happy Valentine's Day, Teacher!

Me: Thank you so much! Will you celebrate the holiday tonight?
Student: Oh yes! I have many plans tonight. Big plans.
Me: Oh really? With a girlfriend?
Student: Well, after tonight, she will be my girlfriend.
Me: Oh really? What will you do to win her heart?
Student: ....... I can't say that. Don't ask me that.
Me: .........oh.......... well, what present did you buy for her?
Student: I didn't buy a present. I bought nothing for her.
Me: Really? Not anything?
Student: No. She bought for me. In Korea, women buy men gifts. Is it same in America?
Me: It's different in America. Here, the men need to make sure they get the women a gift. It doesn't have to be anything big. A card. Candy. A nice dinner. Some men buy their women expensive jewelry or take them on vacation. But, that is not realistic for everyone.
Student: Oh, wow! That is so different! So crazy! What about you?
Me: Me? What do you mean?
Student: Well, what will you do tonight? With your boyfriend?
Me: Oh. Well, I am single. I think I mentioned that before. So, I have no plans. Sometimes people that are single get together and celebrate their freedom. Haha! But, I will probably go to bed early tonight. It's been a long week and I'm tired.
Student: Ah! Teacher! You need to have plans! Quick! Find a boyfriend! You need to hurry! There is not much time!
Me: (laughing) Well, right now in life I'm not so concerned with making sure I have a romantic Valentine's Day. There is time for that in the future.
Student: I hope you have a fantastic day next year.
Me: Next year? Well, maybe...
Student: Not maybe!!! DO it! You need a fantastic Valentine's Day. Next Year. Make sure.
Me: I will do my best. How does that sound?
Student: Good. It sound good.

It's hilarious that my students are more concerned with my love life than I am. Ha!

My Boss is Dangerous

Today's topic: Things that are "dangerous"

Me: Today we will discuss things that are dangerous.
Student: Okay. I like this topic.
Me: Oh, good! I'm happy you like it. So, can you name some things that you think are dangerous?
Student: Yes. I think life is dangerous.
Me: Life is dangerous? Why do you think that life is dangerous?
Student: You know.... because anything can happen.
Me: That is true. There are dangerous things in life sometimes. What about life do you consider dangerous?
Student: Well, you know... I think that worrying is dangerous.
Me: Worrying? Why do you think worrying is dangerous?
Student: Well, you can worry a lot and it will kill your life. And if you are killed, that is dangerous.
Me: .......  Yes, you're right. It is dangerous to be killed.
Student: Yes. Because if you are killed, then that means that you are not alive anymore.
Me: Right...... So, can you think of any other things that are dangerous?
Student: My boss.
Me: Your boss?
Student: (Laughs nervously) Yes. My boss is very dangerous.
Me: Uh oh. Really? How is he dangerous? Do I want to know?
Student: I should not tell you. But, he is dangerous.
Me: Okay. Well, that's good to know. Have you ever talked to him about feeling like he's dangerous?
Student: Yes. One time. That time, I walk up to him and say, "Excuse me, sir. I think you are very dangerous man." Then.... I RUN. I RUN A FAST AS I CAN.
Me: ....
Student: It happened. I ran.
Me: You told your boss you thought he was dangerous, and then ran away from him?
Student: Yes.
Me: When did that happen? Do you still have your job?
Student: Today. It happened this afternoon.
Me: I see..... Did he fire you?
Student: I don't know. I tell you I ran. I will find out tomorrow.

Either this student doesn't understand the meaning of "dangerous," or he possibly may be looking for another job.

My Mom is Creepy

Apparently, I can't hear today....

Me: Can you describe your father?
Student: He's tall and funny. And he is also very nice.
Me: Okay, good! Now, can you describe your mother?
Student: Well, she is a housewife. And nice to me.
Me: I'm glad she's nice to you. Anything else to describe your mother?
Student: Yes. She is also very creepy.
Me: She's creepy?
Student: Yes. She is a creepy woman.
Me: Oh... um..... why do you think she is creepy?
Student: When I look at her, she looks creepy.
Me: (not sure what to say) Oh. Okay. So.... does your father think she's creepy too?
Student: Oh, yes! When he meet her when they were young, he think she is sooooo creepy!
Me: Oh. Interesting. So, he married her, even though he thought she was creepy?
Student: Yes! He marry her BECAUSE she is so creepy.

(At this point I realized that I was missing something)

Me: Wongyu, can you please spell creepy for me? I think I am misunderstanding you.
Student: Yes. It's creepy. Spelled P-R-E-T-T-Y. Creepy.
Me: (lauging) Oh, you need to pronounce that PRETTY. Otherwise, it means something completely different.
Student: Oh, okay. My mother is PRETTY.

So, yeah. I'm glad we clarified that.

A Marriage Proposal

I was excited to see that a student I taught three months ago was added back to my schedule. We spent time during our lesson catching up and deciding a game-plan for goals.

Student: You know, the last time I talked to you I was in a pub.
Me: Oh really? A lot of my students have their lessons while they are out with coworkers or friends.
Student: Really? That must be very funny.
Me: Oh, it is. Some of them are very drunk. Their English is actually better when they've had a few beers.
Student: HAHA!! That's a good idea! You know.... the last lesson we had, I tricked you. I'm sorry.
Me: You did? How did you trick me?
Student: Well, I had many beers and didn't want to take the lesson. So, I gave the phone to my friend.
Me: That's hilarious! What did you friend say? I don't remember this happening.
Student: Well, he told you his English name and that he was drunk. He only talked to you for a few moments and then he wanted to drink more.
Me: That's funny! I'm sad that I don't remember .
Student: Yeah. But, you know, Lindsay, something happened with my friend after the phone call.
Me: Really? What happened?
Student: Well.... He fall in love.... with you. He said your voice is very nice. And he is very interested in you. For marriage.
Me: (slowly realizing what he is saying) Oh! Well, that is very nice of him.
Student: So, are you?
Me: Am I what?
Student: Interested in marriage with him.
Me: Well..... I don't think that's a good idea. But, I appreciate the offer.
Student: Why? He is so handsome! And he is nice! And single! And he has good hair!
Me: Oh, well.... he sounds like he would make a great husband for someone. But, I don't think I am the woman for him. Not this time.
Student: Okay. I will tell him. He will be so sad.
Me: I'm sorry to disappoint him, but I'm sure he will find another woman with a nice voice.
Student: I hope so.
---- ---- ----

So..... My Monday started with a student proposing to me for a friend. I have a feeling this week will be an entertaining one.

Not ESL, but Hilarious

If you're bored on this chilly night, you could always follow my lead and initiate a completely awkward conversation with your neighbor.

NOTE: All Apt numbers have been changed to protect the guilty.

I came out of my bedroom and the smell of cheap weed slapped me in the face. Generally, I would ignore it. But, the smell got stronger towards the stairwell, and was SUPER strong once I opened my front door. I couldn't tell where the smell was coming from, but I knew it wasn't me. Out of sheer curiousity (and partially hoping to catch my Neighbor Son in the act of toking), I knocked on Apt X. Also, my Neighbor Mom once gave me lasagna. So, I felt we had bonded enough to just be bold.

Me: Hi. Um. Yeah. This is a really weird question. Actually..... I don't even know why I'm asking. I'm just nosy.
Neighbor Dad: Okay....
Me: So. Um. Okay. I'll just ask. Do you guys happen to smoke weed? Not because I want any... I "Just Say No"..... I just smell it really strong in my apartment and wasn't sure where the smell was coming from.
Neighbor Dad: Why don't you come in and we can chat?
Me: Okay.

At this point, I was pretty sure that they were the culprits, based solely on their suspicious behavior. But, as soon as I entered Apt X, I knew it wasn't them. The smell was dampened tremendously. But, I stuck around so we could chat about said weed.

Neighbor Mom: Yeah, we drink beer sometimes, but we don't smoke weed at all.
Me: Yeah. Well, I mean, I've been around it occasionally. I don't really have a problem with it. I was just... well.... being nosy. I've never smelled it here before and wanted to know who was having a good time tonight. (awkward laugh) Annnnd..... to be honest with you, I thought it might have been your son and wanted to freak him out by knocking on the door.
Neighbor Mom: Haha. Well... He's not home, so it's not him. Our only other options are Apt Y (Slightly-Older-Than-Middle-Aged-Woman) and Apt Z. It *can't* be Apt Y. I couldn't see her doing that!
Me: Yeah.... she's like, all proper. No way.
Neighbor Dad: Well Apt Z is a Liberty student, so it couldn't be her.
Neighbor Mom: Mmmm..... that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Me: Yep. I went to Liberty too. It means nothing.

We all shared a laugh. Then realized that Apt Z (Liberty Student) wasn't back from break yet. In shock, process of elimination helped us narrow it down to Apt Y. We stood there stunned for a moment and then quickly ended the conversation. I mumbled something about how we should tape snack food to her door for when the munchies hit later and bolted.

Tonight I realized that I probably shouldn't knock on people's doors and question their drug use.

What did you do tonight?