Not ESL, but Hilarious

If you're bored on this chilly night, you could always follow my lead and initiate a completely awkward conversation with your neighbor.

NOTE: All Apt numbers have been changed to protect the guilty.

I came out of my bedroom and the smell of cheap weed slapped me in the face. Generally, I would ignore it. But, the smell got stronger towards the stairwell, and was SUPER strong once I opened my front door. I couldn't tell where the smell was coming from, but I knew it wasn't me. Out of sheer curiousity (and partially hoping to catch my Neighbor Son in the act of toking), I knocked on Apt X. Also, my Neighbor Mom once gave me lasagna. So, I felt we had bonded enough to just be bold.

Me: Hi. Um. Yeah. This is a really weird question. Actually..... I don't even know why I'm asking. I'm just nosy.
Neighbor Dad: Okay....
Me: So. Um. Okay. I'll just ask. Do you guys happen to smoke weed? Not because I want any... I "Just Say No"..... I just smell it really strong in my apartment and wasn't sure where the smell was coming from.
Neighbor Dad: Why don't you come in and we can chat?
Me: Okay.

At this point, I was pretty sure that they were the culprits, based solely on their suspicious behavior. But, as soon as I entered Apt X, I knew it wasn't them. The smell was dampened tremendously. But, I stuck around so we could chat about said weed.

Neighbor Mom: Yeah, we drink beer sometimes, but we don't smoke weed at all.
Me: Yeah. Well, I mean, I've been around it occasionally. I don't really have a problem with it. I was just... well.... being nosy. I've never smelled it here before and wanted to know who was having a good time tonight. (awkward laugh) Annnnd..... to be honest with you, I thought it might have been your son and wanted to freak him out by knocking on the door.
Neighbor Mom: Haha. Well... He's not home, so it's not him. Our only other options are Apt Y (Slightly-Older-Than-Middle-Aged-Woman) and Apt Z. It *can't* be Apt Y. I couldn't see her doing that!
Me: Yeah.... she's like, all proper. No way.
Neighbor Dad: Well Apt Z is a Liberty student, so it couldn't be her.
Neighbor Mom: Mmmm..... that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Me: Yep. I went to Liberty too. It means nothing.

We all shared a laugh. Then realized that Apt Z (Liberty Student) wasn't back from break yet. In shock, process of elimination helped us narrow it down to Apt Y. We stood there stunned for a moment and then quickly ended the conversation. I mumbled something about how we should tape snack food to her door for when the munchies hit later and bolted.

Tonight I realized that I probably shouldn't knock on people's doors and question their drug use.

What did you do tonight?